why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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