sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
