My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
