last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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