I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
