so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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