the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
birth control should be required to get into college
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
