his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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