i would punch a child for taco bell
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
