He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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