Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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