Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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