and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
pray to the hookup gods
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize