it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
