maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
