this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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