You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
