my phone needs a breathalizer
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
