My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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