New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
