So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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