carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
