Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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