i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
