Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
high people should be assigned attendants
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
