It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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