so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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