i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
