So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
