Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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