my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
