return my video game
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
