Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize