pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
