I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
