You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
