Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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