you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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