Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
