Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
