Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
