I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
