Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
