.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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