You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
