It's Friday. Sex?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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