Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
