me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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