Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
