you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
