I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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