just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
