I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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