You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
