I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
