I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
