My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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