i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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