You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize