He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
