Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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