i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
