You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize